Between the iron bird and us

This must be the most unprofessional piece I will ever write but then who knows I might even try to trump my own game tomorrow. I decided to do this for those who have no choice of notion, who are finding it hard to pitch their tent with any sides of the fence, those who wish there would be a media publication somewhere debunking some rumors or half-truth as some journo now put it.

At some point in this article, you may find me being biased, well its only expected for a well cultured person not to bite the finger that feeds him and having lived closely to some of the people in the article, I wont be making wide conjectures but painting the words of my scripts without compromising any surety.

Recently, the air has been unclear about the issue of men of God having a lot in their possession and it has become unknown to so many people what might actually be going on and please before you shut me out, this is only my opinion with some facts to garnish it. I have no doubt in my heart that people are very concerned about the state of the church and its leadership in this 21^st century and I think that’s the right position to be, where you can question your believe and where you spend your time and other effects.

The only reason you will have fake naira notes is because the genuine legal tender exists  but its not expected that the phony should outnumber the genuine ones, because then that will be catastrophic.Let me start with the question “what is wrong with having a private jet?. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If you can afford and maintain it and your schedule demands it. Therefore basically, the problem is not buying or owning a private jet anymore if you can afford or your schedule demands it. So narrowing down,  the issue here is that a particular calling or profession (men of God) are those having one is the issue at the moment.

I am a favorite of Yele Sowore of Sahara Reporters but a few years ago, this  picture came up on SR saying this man of God got a jet and he was lounging about. At that point, I wondered what “lounging about ” actually means. There were no descriptions whatsoever of how he lounged about, just a man sitting in a small fine carrier.  If I m not mistaken, lounging is Ludacris opening the doors of a ship full of women in Area code, lounging is somebody popping champagne to nothing with his friends with some ‘pretty fine’ females around him, Lounging is being on a cigarette boat and doing whatsoever fits into the pages of a glossy magazine or  in the musical videos.  A man who hasn’t slept properly in 3 days hopping on a jet to catch a Sunday service he was going to preach with big tear-ducts all over his eyes and still cheery face is no sign of lounging to me. I will never step into this man’s shoe for a day. I am using him as an instance of a genuine currency note in this case because as a student of Covenant University some years ago, I had the awesome privilege of living in the same compound for a while with this man and I tell you being under his tutelage is not a cakewalk. Two different occasions he drove by my window around 2am while I was studying and I could see him inspecting the construction works on the sites. You will never see this man without huge water bags on his eyes and you can’t even put a fixed number of the projects being worked upon at every point in time both within and outside the compound/state.

The reason many people have issues with some of these men of God is the fact that many have bestowed things expected of a functioning government to the church. So many things expected of the government are not put in place so the most beneficial heart is usually being turned to by people for a bail out,in this case the church and I cannot blame anyone for this opinion.

Living in the lowest quadrant of Marslow’s hierarchy has been an issue in this part of the world where a lot of people keep trying to jump from the survival stage to the middle class but are being bounced back below the line every other month due to certain conditions that are not helpful for economic growth.

During the last POTUS election,  I must confess that Obama actually used his oratory skill to dodge some vital questions.  I later found out that some of those questions were avoided on national Tv for security reasons knowing very well not every country watching is an ally. But he did mention something, the growth of any economy usually starts with a focus on the middle class. The middle class plays a huge role in the development of your economy and that is what Bishop Oyedepo has been doing . A lot of people out there say things like “they have a school that church members cannot afford”. Are you supposed to compromise certain standards so every peasant can go to school? No. if you want to maintain good standard, you will have to pay for it, if you want to look good, you will have to buy Brazilian hair. The government pays well over N700,000 on every student each year in a federal university and yet look at the graduates we churn out every year. Most of these private schools are even built with bigger standards nowadays and yet they don’t even pay up to 700 grand and all you can say is these schools are too expensive???

There is a clear dichotomy on what is expected of the church and what is expected of the government. Keeping the line stealth is a huge mistake made by many. Covenant University was built with the Yale University model in mind and they have almost achieved that without demanding up to a quarter of what Yale demands from you. This kind of poor mentality is what is drawing us back. So the church is expected to compromise standard and build rubbish of schools so that the poorest can attend? You are probably saying the missionaries achieved this. Oh yes, they were funded by their home churches and supported by their governments. Or you think those fantastic structures/ edifice or many hectares of land just appeared there without anyone paying for them?  I think some should go and start their own businesses and start underselling. I used the word business because even God expects us to treat our affairs as businesses. “How many of you will start a building without counting the cost?”. Even Jesus in the parable of talents expressed that the master was very angry at the guy that could not produce any return on what he was given.  You need diligent hands to be very productive.

                                              

                                                                                                                            

I think what would have made some happy is the church handing out some bags of rice and clothing and other charitable gigs but what the masses don’t understand is that besides the fact that churches do this on weekly basis and not publicize, there is the need to empower the middle class, grow the economy and then the poor can have SMEs of their own and get their goods on good road to destinations and across the borders.

About the man of God that got his own as a gift, I believe before giving a gift, an expensive one at that, there must have been a need. If the people around you think you need a car to move around and they being your friends decide to donate money and get you a good one, that’s a thoughtful thing to do. For the past 30 years that this man has been useful to the poor, no one recalls such memo. The thing is, in the words of Jesus “you will always have the poor among you.” It doesn’t matter whether America or Europe. Poor people are everywhere. 

I am going to take this biblical again and I ‘m not using the triumphant entry and brand-new colt riding as an instance. Instead, I want to take you back to the issue of the woman with the alabaster box. I don’t know what an alabaster box precisely is but the reaction from the disciples is exactly what everyone is expressing right now. They felt like Master, why is this woman wasting all of that, that expensive box of perfume,  we can as well sell this and make more money to give to the poor. Jesus replied them “The poor you will always have around you”. This is not an argument, just my own view from a less cynic perspective this time. Why did Jesus allow it?

Back to the bishop, now this man stopped collecting salary from the church back in 1995. There were 3 people from my class alone that were under the scholarship of the Bishop. I dont know how many of such students there are all over the world but I often run into them . A friend of mine who is an auditor with one of the International firms had done sessions on the churches account before with one of the banks. He even told me certain things back then on this man that I am not even allowed to disclose here but that tells me that for him to even allow auditors into the management tells me of how much standard he maintains. 

About those expecting the church to build schools and roads and hospitals, the fact that there is no political notion attached to them doesn’t mean they don’t exist, they just don’t flaunt them in your faces on the TV for propaganda to score political points. The day I knew a lot was wrong was when I found out the reason it took the Sango Otta bridge almost 6 years to complete when a similar structure at Rumuola in Rivers had taken less than a year. You see this bridge is between two states: Lagos and Ogun hence a federal project. Now, the FG had been funding certain parties but they had refused to finish up for continuous supply to come in. The church, having it’s own construction firm stepped in and proposed to finish it up but this team of people will not allow that as a wealth stream is going to be blocked. Same issue with light rail projects here and there, Lagos state applied for 6 of these light-rail project s from FG and only one was approved. Why and for what reasons were the rest not approved?  This same church has applied for this rail projects from way back

“If you don’t understand certain thought or principle, don’t just debunk or dumb it down, but put it on the shelf, you can always visit it later” – Jesse Duplantis. That is a quote I try to live by every day. Wole Talabi said that “the fact that you don’t understand the purpose of something or what it stands for doesn’t mean a reason for such does not exist”

The church is doing many more projects that I can’t even list here for space, Ethiopia and some other countries came around to the church and asked for a carbon copy of Covenant University in their country, issuing them license to come help out for free (that cost well over N200m in Nigeria for license) just because somebody is maintaining a standard. Other schools were there, they dint go there.  Covenant University alone has produced more than 7 engineering graduates with CCIE, no other university in Nigeria can boast of that and you expect such standards to come cheap? I would rather see 10 more of such schools that will produce graduates and middle class people that are ready to infuse the system with ideas that will drive economic ideas that can help SMEs, agricultural mechanization, entrepreneurial development & job creation and not just some half-baked graduates that have little or no skills.

Trust me, if you go through the annals of this church, the jet project is the least of the things you want to be worried about. There are way more things that will startle you, I mean like blow your mind because that is what many of us even need. An expanded mind!

                                                              

When former Governor Alamieysigha of Bayelsa state was charged for N80b missing fund, that was about the worth of 14 Covenant Universities. Now look how many people that man would have denied employment, education, health  et al..all in  one lifting, we have no idea how many of such he probably lifted.

In conclusion, because I can go on and on about this for a week, there was a particular occurrence during my interview in my place of work. You see, I had applied to this place before I was even through with school and I was having the final interview with the CEO of one of the national carriers and also one of the richest men in Nigeria. After asking me 2 technical questions out of about 5-7 I was expecting, he suddenly paused and ask, “did you say you attended that school owned by the Bishop?” to which I replied “Yes sir”. He just said “you can go”. Initially I had thought that was it, he’s got beef for this man too but I dint get home before I was called up for my offer letter. I asked a few questions around and from my conclusion, between this two men (the Bishop and the CEO), there are about twenty thousand jobs being created in the country. From the reaction that day, I want to believe there must be some points of convergence, similar traits or characteristics among this set of people that is strictly esoteric to people who hold their kinds of position. A few things might be wrong here and there, but certain rules remain constant for people who are skilled, diligent and ready to serve people

Thank you

Gifts: as they come

The time was about 6:30 pm and I was in the middle of an intense research for a friend in Norway who was using the company where I work for his case study and at the same time going in and out on a group chat where all we argued on back and forth was the position of Paul Krugman in the whole election this time. All of a sudden, we discovered Krugman had not been having a lot to talk about this time(or may be he had and he decided to be quiet about it) whatever the  case was,  I am sure both the Republicans and Democratic parties are having a ball. He has rather kept to himself or continued his verbal attacks on Ben Bernanke and remained ghost to the elections.

I was busy tugged into this dissertation / Krugman chat one of such evenings when something totally funny happened, I’d remembered a gift I was given some years back and I laughed so hard. You know a situation that makes you laugh very hard while sitting alone must be a curious case. 

You see sometimes, we take different scenarios around us for granted and our generation has become so accustomed to receiving things from people that we don’t bother anymore about the giving-side of the cycle. Sometimes people offer to give us their time, material or support and sometimes when they are below our “standard ”, we hardly think of the motive behind the gesture but I have had to think back and view certain scenarios from different angles.

A friend once came visiting during one of the breaks in my second year of university and as he roused to leave, my mum offered him pineapple to take home. I was wondering “mum, stop embarrassing me, this is not hip at all”, but she was trying to tag a message along –your body doesn’t retain vitamin C, take them as much as possible- but I wasn’t just cool with it and since you dare not argue with my mum, I let it slide.

My sister once told me how she got Spiced fish on Valentine’s day in her first year of college. I could not contain myself in laughter during that gist but she testified how after the whole show-of-pity, she and her friends indulged themselves and had a great time with the fish.

                                                           

 Somehow, it remained the most memorable valentine for her as many of the gifts afterwards were always either things she already possessed in huge quantity (perfume) or some wristwatches and trite flowers.

I even took it to the bible about the woman with the alabaster box’s story. I really cant recall other gifts that Jesus received that were mentioned in the bible but this story somehow stood out. I tried to look at it from the woman’s point of view. “Let me show Jesus how much I love and adore him, let me bring all that has been suppressed inside for him out today, let this be my fat chance to let him know there’s someone who thinks about him, day and night not just for who or what he could offer but just because I love him and I may never have any other opportunity to express this. I will rise, take all I have and purchase that fragrant oil and let him have it, I don’t care what I’ld have left afterwards.” You see, I may not even be close in my description about how much she loved Jesus but I’m sure Jesus could understand every bit of it. Same effect with the woman with widow’s mite.

Here is my idea, before you look at people and think their gifts are debasing (some could actually be), you may want to view their gesture from another angle like what instigated this unsolicited act? Is this a message or a request that requires a response?

I recall vividly a group event years ago where we had names in a ballot box and you were expected to choose one and provide a gift “from anonymous” for the name you pick. I went all the way to get something I felt was nice and good for a female and expected may be a book from someone too.  The thing is, while what I gave out might have been something very expensive and cool in my eyes (handbag that was), it may have been deemed surplus to necessity by the recipient or given to a nerdy lady who goes out in a pair of sneakers and jeans all the time. Any way I picked up the gift that had my name on it and right in there was a bar of wait-for-it, waaaiiiiiit-for –it, Canoe soap. Till today, I’m still trying to get a hang of what could have inspired such a gift or the morale behind it. Back in secondary school, a comb as a gift was an indication that you probably needed to comb your hair the more but this is a decade after those years.

I still go about remembering how Vitamin is necessary and other lessons, what are your most 'oustanding’ gift experiences?

To each his(her) own

“The Lord works in mysterious ways” is a phrase that has been glued to my palate since the days of Dan Akroyd in Blues Brothers and really I cannot deny the fact I have been seeing traces of the truth in this statement in my everyday living. Nature has a way of distributing its gifts and truly, there must be a Supreme Being deriving pleasure from all this façade that colour our existence.

A couple of days ago, one of the young career ladies heading one of the departments in the organization where I work stopped by to make some complaints about her mail integration and other IT problems. (Let us call her Ms. Tomi). You see, this lady is an epitome of success in the career path she has chosen and she is endowed with all that come with it. She has a corner office and an official car, a secretary and all the drama that come with the “Devil wears Prada”. Since I do not know much about her personal life, I really cannot explain where her own proverbial nail pinches her in the shoe. To be candid, she does not have the best figure of a well groomed lady, not really the type that make heads turn around except may be when the ‘pheromones’ from her hugely doused perfume gets in the way. Smart and apt though, she probably has her own line of admirers (or fans, be-that-as-it-may).

Now, here is the essence of the story, while my colleague was attending to her, in comes one of the cleaners to do some house-keeping, actually, she had come just to replace the air-freshener. This cleaner (let us call her Victoria) is the definition of a Cocacola-bottle-on-the-way-to-the-Pear-shaped figure in the female form market. I cannot even deny the fact that she is well endowed but probably because the society has a way of looking down on her ‘class’ of people as players on the reserve bench or whatever it may be, no one has got the impudence to ever talk about it.  Victoria is quiet but constantly clenches her face together like she is unhappy. Apparently, she must have a story to tell about life too but she becomes gracious whenever she is asked to help us do small tasks like printing and photocopies et al.

So here we were trying to rectify all that burdened Ms Tomi when Victoria stepped in. The expression on Ms Tomi‘s face was too unguarded to be ignored and that was the inspiration behind this post. You see, I could write a 10 paged article on Ms Tomi’s expression and I can bet a large part if verified, her thoughts would have included “God, this is not fair!!! At all, no way, how can??? Why? Look at me and look at her”. You wonder how I could be so sure? Yeah! Here was the next thing that came out of her mouth after the stare that stood fixed for almost 2 minutes.  “Did you see that? Can you see her? Who hired her? Has she always been here, look at her posterior? I am sure some of the older men in the office are having an abundant supply of what she has to offer”. Just like the good book says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.  He who can say 2 things probably has more from where the first 2 came.  It was a classic case of the rich also cry or still, to each one his (her) own.  There was an essence of sadness that enveloped Ms Tomi. Not an enormous differentiator but it could be seen from her disposition that if she could rid Victoria of her body features, it would have been done with immediate effect like a tyrant. A clearer picture of Rapunzel’s grandmother was painted before my very eyes, face swollen from jealousy and anger.

                                            

As if to make things worse, as the cleaner dropped off her effects and made to walk out of the office, you know nature has a way of putting the icing on cake and as though she had been tipped off, she made her turn in a 360, well guided swerve that really accentuated her curves, then cat-walked away in a quiet and harmless glide of a gentle spirit. It was an awesome experience, looking at Victoria…and then back to Ms Tomi’s face, then Victoria and back to Ms Tomi’s face again.

I was implored to shout in my head, thank you Lord, for making some things exclusive to certain people.  Truly and without an iota of doubt, you must have created us all for your pleasure

Dog-land!

C-River.
Touch down, Maggie Ekpo airport Calabar. Whatever happened during the 50mins flight, I just wanted to leave it behind. Serendipity went to the toilet when they were booking my ticket so I wasn’t seated in-between chics this time. Just an old Calabar man and an invalid.I Had to play the role of a gentle man, no point being unnecessarily cocky. Since I couldn’t strike any fantastic conversation with them, this mean't I wouldn’t be splitting taxi fare with anyone from the airport. I had to make use of lessons from SC101 (street cred 101): "if you would just walk out of the airport, you would get a cab to your destination at half the price ." For me it went straight from N4000 to N400 having walked with some guys for a mere 20m. It works mostly for domestic flights when you don’t have huge luggage to carry.
On my way out of the airport, I was in the company of 2 ladies who were indigenes and all of a sudden we saw a dog lunging towards us. I thought the ladies were going to melt in fear, as they appear to be crème, prim x proper, only for them to strut away in their jests. So I asked if they weren’t afraid of the wild-dog to which they reply, “this one, we would kill and eat it”. Then it dawned on me where I was.

I must confess though, the air around this area is not of this world. The air was so clean I almost fell ill, it seems my body had been so used to working with extra effort get clean air that it almost lapsed when introduced to clean air, I felt my body working on overdrive for nothing. The whiff from the clean and passing breeze was most soothing, everywhere stayed green like God actually tenders this garden(state) with his fingers. I also do believe this state is the cleanest in Nigeria, atleast that I have visited. I felt like I was going to deflower something or commit an abomination by throwing used recharge card on the ground since I could see almost 50meters radius of me clean with no single paper. It felt like some invisible forces were looking at me.
The ban on use of bikes in this state also made everywhere noiseless. No unnecessary honking could be heard anywhere so everywhere seemed to be in its most peaceful state. Good road also add props to the effect
At the bus stop, I had waited for about 20mins as each driver kept saying they dint know where I was going. I had misplaced a few letters and since everything had to do with “-bong”, I thought they all meant the same thing. Luckily I got one that knew exactly what my description was saying. I hopped in and first thing he says: “My brother, welcome to Sodom and Gomorah!!!”. To this I replied, please I don’t want anything to give me images of Sodomy. He was a nice guy and we talked. He gave me the decription of everything I could need be it church, bank, club, anything, he would be my directory. I noticed a few things though, there were too many hang outs and beer parlours all around while there was scarcity of banks and major industries. This state seems to lack industrial boom, I wonder if major investors see this place as a milk-able environment.
Got to my hotel and being very tired, finished up on some project and slept around 1am
Day 2

Fantastic place I must say, I roused into a very funny weather, everywhere was cold. I decided to go jogging and to my surprise, almost everybody in this state hit the tracks. I tell you , most of the people I met on the road were jogging. Time now was 6:30am thereabout, by now in Lagos, three quarter of the whole state would be in transit, scuffling to get to work. I was more than impressed. I dashed my sprinting more than a Kilometer and ended up in the stadium. Painfully I dint come out with my camera. A lot of men were in the stadium to play soccer before heading to the dressing room and going to their offices. There was this sight that caught my attention, recall how I said it was a cold morning and most joggers were in hoodies? I took a glance at Olympic sized pool of the stadium and therein were soldiers stripping to their swimming trunks. About 120 men from some nearby infantry I believe had come for some drilling. The weather was so cold I was wondering why I came out with no sweater and right there the men of the forces were getting ready to be filed into the pool. Not in this world, not with even a heated pool would I be found bare-chested in that weather, I couldn’t just believe it and to make matters worse, they were delayed for about 30mins, just standing in a queue while wearing just swimming trunks which are usually smaller than regular briefs. That day, my undimmed respect for the force men was refreshed and re-affirmed.
I spent the rest of the day between sleeping and working on my website (Please watch out for ilevit.com ,its gonna be awe-wait for it, wait for it-some, for those who have been looking for virtual libraries and all…shhhh).


The evening wasn’t bad at all. A friend of mine from the social networks came visiting with his friend and we went to Hope Wadell. If a Nigerian producer wants to shoot a war film or story based on 1920s- or 193- something event, this compound would serve the purpose. It is the first secondary school in Nigeria and buildings as old as 1928 can be seen. The church had the oldest pipe organ I ve ever seen it looked like the exhaust of a ship. We headed for the Museum afterward but we were late already so fresh fish and drinks was the next thing.

I retired to bed and made peace with @icyfiery , my latest online villain. Had another life-changing idea that night, I slept off thinking about how to assemble the team to work with. I was afraid of my own future that night.
The morning after wasn’t bad at all, by now I was running up bill so I needed to be careful. I had peppersoup that day, it was real peppersoup, the one I had been having in Lagos were just pepper inside soup. I also visited Marina resort, my favourite spot there was Tortuga.

Ofcourse, it totally resembled the location in The curse of the Black pearl. Totally loved the serenity of that place. So quiet the whiff from the breeze was all the noise you could hear. If your wristwatch came close to your ears, you could hear the seconds hand’s kinetics. Great spot, ocean view, trees and everything 60m below earth level. An event was to take place later that evening, it was the late Bob Marley’s birthday and some people were putting up a party, it was going to be a wild night but hey, I had my own plans.
I was running up on hotel bills so when a friend asked to show me around their clubs, I thought oh great!, a good reason to skip a night at the hotel and save some money so I went with him.
The groove was on, a few sparks here and there, some sort of old school night and a lot of people showing up moves, moon-walker and running-man everywhere, I danced for a while myself, the last time I tried old school dance like that must have been motivated by money or some prize way back in secondary school but it was great. A funny thing happened afterwards, I had barely satdown to get some oxygen after dancing when I was ushered to a VIP table with a Senator or Member of the House, not really sure again, I really dint understand what was going on, just felt he liked a few moves from the dancefloor and he just wanted to talk. Most of his friends were dancing with their ladies by now and he was asking me questions ‘bout everything from whom I was to whom I worked for, hobbies and interest and all sorts. By now you could smell the effing and blinding going on in my head from under my breath. He proceeds to dance with me which I obliged him considering he was already halfway binged and inebriated. It wouldn’t matter but then he came closer and whispered in my ear “I want to embarrass you”. If that was coming from a sane man in a king-like position, it would have meant I was made already. I had just been cabal-ized and about to become a successful and wealthyfellow,but it wasn’t coming that way. By now he was too close for comfort and his hands were starting to project in some awkward positions. I couldn’t hide my uneasiness, I had to look for a get-away plan.
I grabbed my Redbull by the table and feigned the famous phone-ringing move to lam away. I went outside and stayed on an imaginary call for about 50minutes ..lol! By now, my friend was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t go back to the hotel since I checked out, looked at the time, it was around 2am.
Back in the club, I made my way through the back couches and went for the hidden corner of the place stealthily. I wasn’t going to be caught in that web, by now his eyes were glued to an iPad on his VIP table, watching an adult movie. I answered a few mails on my blackberry and put down a few points for next article and all, by 2:30am, I could barely take it anymore, left a BB message for my friend and headed back to the hotel. Recall, I had checked out earlier, but tipping had saved me again so I was allowed to sleep on the couch  Oh well, the perks of travelling alone, if I had come with ‘’entourage’’, it would have been another story.
Two hours after, I was up, I can now check in again, that way, I had skipped a night, so I ended up doing 3 nights in the hotel instead of 4. Don’t you love my street ways(besides the fact that I could have been sodomized  )
So its Saturday, Tinapa it is!!!. Called up another programmer friend of mine @kehers and made plans to hook up at Tinapa. It was Valentine weekend so some couples were around, oh well, I was happy for them, except for the fact each of the guys’ moves were being checkmated by their partners. I was as free as anything, I was getting chic-phonenumbers per minute. I checked out the Tmart, this supermarket was my ideal definition of anti-chauvinism. In about 80% of the place were items strictly for ladies from cradle to the grave and just by a little corner at the entrance were a couple of shelves for the male gender. Not like I was even interested as most of their items were quite old and dust laden.
I took a few pictures and headed straight to the water parks. Oh gosh!!! You have to be here. Right there was the biggest swimming pool I had seen in my life! It was so big, there were about 25 people inside and it wasn’t even half-crowded yet. Good music and barbecue by the side, there was a Cable ride for those interested and then there was the Adrenaline jump stuff. This stuff is no joke. It isn’t for the chicken hearted. I went up the stairs the first time to take the slide but I came back shaking like a chicken. Then this chic came around from nowhere, like some James Bond girl coming out of the water , Hally Berry strut and headed straight for the almost 40ft slide. It was a scene out of a movie. Just as if an enzyme pill had been inserted in the guys around(I thought I was the only one chickening out), I found myself and 5 others guys heading for the slide after she did her session, we had been motivated. The guys went but I came down again using the stairs. The adrenaline level is not to be compared with anything less than skydiver’s. Oh well I summoned courage again, there’s no way I was going back to Lagos without being able to say “I came, I saw, I conq..”



I was next inline, to be sincere I prayed a little prayer to save my soul if anything happens on my way down. I closed my eyes and whoosh!!! It was the best thing that happened to me since plantain 
It was time for the swimming competition and I came first, trust me I did this very well even though I was gassed out at the end of the race. I came first among all equals. Guess what the prize was, Popcorn!!!
Through it all, it was a nice time, music and people, tourists and corp-members, young and old, there was something for everyone. The atmosphere was more than electric. By now I was tired and it was getting dark so we decided to leave. I headed home by 8pm. I was so tired I sat down on my hotel bed to watch the last 10minutes of Tottenham Hotspur’s game but I still dint see it to the end. Woke up a few minutes later to catch up on the re-broadcast of CNN’s black-in-america techpreneur camp again but slept off again. The sleep was so heavy CNN reporting live on Whitney Houston's death at that moment felt like a weird dream so I switched off the TV thinking I was going crazy.

The sun rays came bright through the slit of the curtain and I was convinced of the ‘sun’ in ‘Sunday’. It was time to park and head for the airport . It had been a nice place to stay to catch up with life again, no thanks to the 8-5 work I do. I was saying goodbye to the bellhop, the chauffeur, the chef, the hotel, the city , the beautiful atmosphere, the clean environment, the scenery, noiselessness, the state of CROSSRIVER.
And oh, inbetween all that was a visit to University of Calabar, where it fits precisely in this article I m not sure again but trust I would go back there with the next flight if I have the opportunity to do so.
Toodles ! :D

Ring-ding!

Been yonks and everyone's been busy...so I thought to stop-by, well here is a piece from a convo with a friend..uneditted :) Enjoy

[5:57:50 PM] Candace : tobi
[5:58:15 PM] Candace : mo ti miss e (I’ve missed you)
[5:58:26 PM] Tobystic : emi na ti miss e gan :) (I’ve missed you too)
[5:58:46 PM] Candace : yaaaaay!!!
[5:59:01 PM] Candace : i even dreamt of u sef
[5:59:49 PM] Tobystic : hehehe! K. spill
[5:59:56 PM] Tobystic : are U sure 'twas me U saw?
[6:00:04 PM] Candace : duh
[6:00:17 PM] Candace : ofcos baby
[6:00:38 PM] Tobystic : how U know it was me?
[6:01:05 PM] Candace : i know ur head anywhere
[6:01:48 PM] Tobystic : hahahahahahahahahahahaha! clown :D
[6:01:58 PM] Tobystic : how r U jor?
[6:02:04 PM] Tobystic : give me gist
[6:02:19 PM] Candace : fine oh
[6:02:24 PM] Candace : no gist
[6:02:41 PM] Candace : been busy doing stuff for my Dad
[6:02:47 PM] Candace : and travelling
[6:04:03 PM] Tobystic : travelling??
[6:04:07 PM] Tobystic : from where to where?
[6:04:16 PM] Tobystic : Daddy's teddy
[6:04:21 PM] Tobystic : enjoyment officer
[6:04:22 PM] Candace : yeah yeah
[6:04:29 PM] Candace : around U.K
[6:04:47 PM] Candace : in Coventry now
[6:05:04 PM] Candace : took a 1 week break
[6:05:28 PM] Tobystic : correct
[6:05:40 PM] Tobystic : cool like that
[6:05:58 PM] Tobystic : its good like that, U must work ur ass off
[6:06:13 PM] Candace : well
[6:06:17 PM] Candace : i try
[6:07:13 PM] Candace : what has been happening with you
[6:16:14 PM] Tobystic : all has been well. Glory to God
[6:16:19 PM] Tobystic : :)
[6:19:35 PM] Candace : adupe lowo olorun (we thank God)
[6:19:49 PM] Candace : howz ur new department?
[6:19:52 PM] Tobystic : correct
[6:19:58 PM] Tobystic : cool. awesome!
[6:20:09 PM] Candace : getting a bb soon
[6:20:15 PM] Tobystic : haha!
[6:20:20 PM] Tobystic : u ve missed BBM again abi?
[6:21:01 PM] Candace : its been over 7 months oh
[6:30:22 PM] Tobystic : brb
[6:30:53 PM] Candace : ok darling
[6:33:25 PM] Tobystic : this one that U r very lovely today
[6:33:35 PM] Tobystic : tell me U got good news
[6:33:51 PM] Candace : I am always lovely
[6:34:09 PM] Tobystic : shuurrrruuuppP!!!
[6:34:27 PM] Candace : sweerie.. I am always lovely
[6:34:42 PM] Tobystic : na so
[6:35:02 PM] Candace : but good news tho.. I am getting married
[6:40:34 PM] Tobystic : he proposed?????????
[6:40:37 PM] Tobystic : :D
[6:40:42 PM] Tobystic : wait for it, wait for it...........
[6:41:00 PM] Tobystic : looking for *trumpet*
[6:42:15 PM] Candace : YES
[6:42:44 PM] Tobystic : AWESOME!!!!
[6:44:50 PM] Candace : lol
[6:45:04 PM] Candace : i am waiting for you to propose
[6:45:59 PM] Tobystic : i m not following
[6:46:13 PM] Tobystic : u just told me Booskie proposed now
[6:46:18 PM] Candace : lmao
[6:46:29 PM] Candace : Tobi who is booskie
[6:48:31 PM] Tobystic : ur boo now
[6:49:03 PM] Tobystic : last time I sent U dm, u said U were busy with ur Boo or Boo -time or something, so I assumed tha was the moment
[6:49:55 PM] Candace : how would a guy propose over a chat?
[6:50:10 PM] Tobystic : noooo
[6:50:17 PM] Tobystic : thot U guys were together
[6:50:34 PM] Tobystic : U were like "spendin time with the boo"
[6:51:20 PM] Candace : i meant chatting
[6:52:36 PM] Candace : but i dont want to marry him
[6:52:40 PM] Candace : i want you
[6:53:04 PM] Tobystic : trololololololololololololololololololololol! then we are married already
[6:53:11 PM] Tobystic : what are we waiting for?
[6:54:02 PM] Candace : put a ring on my finger now
[6:54:22 PM] Candace : then lets pay bride price
[6:55:07 PM] Tobystic : Me I dont have that money yet o... haha... Ur bride price is high . Is it negotiable. Will they allow instalmental payment in your house (sic)?
[6:55:31 PM] Candace : lmao
[6:56:35 PM] Candace : instalmental bawo
[6:56:51 PM] Tobystic : u see what I m sayin?

[6:57:04 PM] Tobystic : so I have to work more and pray for favour ....
[6:58:02 PM] Candace : dont worry I would wait for you


[6:58:16 PM] Tobystic : awwww
[6:58:26 PM] Tobystic : thats the sweetest thing I ve ever heard
[6:58:31 PM] Candace : yimu
[6:58:35 PM] Tobystic : if Only every chic was like U
[6:58:39 PM] Tobystic : gerraway jor
[6:58:44 PM] Candace : lmao
[6:58:45 PM] Tobystic : why U wanna spoil my fantasy
[6:58:50 PM] Tobystic : already dreaming
[6:58:57 PM] Tobystic : gerrrouutttTTTTT!!!!!
[6:59:30 PM] Candace : awwwww
[7:00:02 PM] Candace : now i feel bad
[7:00:03 PM] Tobystic : I m going to blog about this
[7:00:18 PM] Tobystic : I ve neva thought of buying a ring for a gal before
[7:00:25 PM] Tobystic : ring bawo....
[7:00:33 PM] Candace : hehehehe
[7:00:45 PM] Candace : so you wanted to buy for me?
[7:01:17 PM] Tobystic : nope...not again
[7:01:20 PM] Tobystic : go x sleep
[7:01:28 PM] Candace : baby boo
[7:01:39 PM] Candace : you must buy utunu
[7:02:38 PM] Candace : dont worry by the time i am ready to marry you would have saved money
[7:02:48 PM] Tobystic : I would buy you ring..............wait-for-it, wait-for-it ...worm
[7:03:23 PM] Candace : hahahahahahahahaa
[7:03:28 PM] Candace : be nice darling
[7:05:43 PM] Tobystic : free me jor
[7:05:57 PM] Tobystic : u heart breaker!
[7:06:10 PM] Candace : i have never broken anyones heart ..hmmn :D oh well


Oh dear, then came the abrupt reaction from PHCH. To be continued ...

Girl of whose dreams?

I really want to meet this girl. Meet and talk to her. For once, I’m really dying to meet and talk to someone who is of no direct interest to me. By that I mean she is of no romantic or business or intelligent friendship in the making to me.
Here are the words I want on the cake as he typed out useless jargons from an Asian language I could barely understand. If those words had meant “Castrate the bearer of this gift”, then I would have been done for. Anyway, Babel fish gave it all out  “Happy Birthday to a dear friend” in an Asian Language. My friend in some strange , of-no-economical-use-to-Nigeria country and he had ‘summoned’ me to make sure I placed an order for a cake and it gets delivered in 24hrs to this chic in Unilag.
It wasn’t my pejorative to think the logic or of what use such an act was , especially since the girl in question was expected to decipher the source as I was to keep mum on the identity. I was expected to be a friend and since no one asks ‘Vito Genovese’ questions, I drove down to Cakes ‘n’ cream ignoring all impeding traffic warnings. I was going to order a cake which I was given ' Jane' with no 'Doe' (first and no last name, wonder if he knew that himself) nor her phone number. At least there was a P.S on the note with her room address in University of Lagos. I could do with all that at the attendant’s desk; Cake with Asian inscription to a girl with no surname or phone contact.


The crazy thing was just about to happen. Right beside where I stood was another guy, good looking, should be in his mid-twenties, smooth and articulate scrolling his Blackberry touch and trying to read out an address. He had come to book a cake for his girl friend’s birthday (which was also the next day). He had mentioned the girl’s name (first and last) but since I had no idea what the surname was, nothing hit me yet: D Not till he gave out the address for the cake’s destination. All of a sudden as if a sudden bright light through the slits of an opened window just illuminated our sleepy heads, we both roused of some oblivion and faced each other with no words coming out. The attendant also found it ‘fantastic’ to at that moment ask “isn’t that the same place your cake is going (referring to me), such a lucky girl.” I quickly bloated out , “its just for a friend, I think they are cousins. I wasn’t ready for any form of “nigga moment” whatsoever, with that I paid, jumped in the car and stepped on the gas, no time for extended discussions.
Well, I enjoyed the day and just when I was about to crawl into Morpheus’s arms, my phone rang and it was a buddy of mine. He wanted to know if the store I had introduced to him back in college days where you could get good gifts in Surulere was still open at 9pm. Been a while so I asked after his girlfriend and at that he replied “oh great! That was the reason I actually called you. Forget about Stephanie, there’s this one I have been running after for a while now , her name is _ _ _ _ _ . “Her birthday is tomorrow self”. WHAT??? You too? I yelled . He asked what I meant by that. I replied, wait, is her surname so and so ?(this I learnt from the other guy at the cake factory ) and her room number so and so? Oh NOooo! Commm'nnnn! What’s going on here he asked to which I replied “errm, dint know you still want her, you told me about her a while back”. I wasn’t ready to let him know one of our mutual friends in an Asian country is also arranging a delivery by proxy.
That be the case, the store would still be open, rush down go get something good , I wasn’t about to discourage anyone that night. No Tobi, that’s not the only reason I called ‘jor’, he taunted. “Well, shoot, cos I’m hitting the stacks in two-shakes I replied”. Ok, I ve been trying to reach Dan Foster and Olisa all day but all lines to their radio stations are all busy, (by now all I was thinking was so? Whats my beeswax ?). So I thought Tobi has very deep voice, you could act a very good radio personality and make a false call from one of those radio stations and blow a fake birthday shout out to a chic out there. Being a trouble maker myself, I was perked up  Don’t even castigate, a little fun is always good for everyone’s health. But wait, I interjected, what if her radio was switched on/off? during that shout-out, C’mon, he replied, its just for 10 – 15 seconds, you can make it look like its recorded to be played later. Trust me, I consent to it. So by 10am the next day, I should be a pseudo radio person for few seconds. To be added to my “crazy things we do for love… or friends” list.
Today is the day, the birthday-day, its 9:30 am, I would get back to this but now I need to confirm from the cake factory that they have delivered the cake…

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