Some days are better off if not witnessed. The phrase “you will curse the day you were born” wasn’t just another parlance. Seated here, waiting for my turn to shoot pool, I asked myself again, “How did I get here?”. How did I get mingled in this mess? I just got a second query in three weeks of resuming a new job. If Karma was at work, it would be reasonable but I believe I broke Karma’s jinx a long time ago.
With a decision to trace the point of fault, I started to rewind on the events of the day, looking for the slip point, the Achilles’ heel. That way I can then set destiny, karma and other hostages of my mystery free from suffering my blame.
The night before was a Sunday night, 11pm and I couldn’t find my log Z’s. I needed to sleep since I would have to leave very early for work the following morning. But then, my eyelids won’t befriend each other. I decided to see Casablanca but barely 15mins into the movie, I decided Casablanca won’t help since I really loved the movie and I was quoting along verbatim as I watched. So I decided to watch a few episodes of my favorite TV series, The Sopranos, a sitcom I’d been indulging in because I once had an idea to develop a Mafia Bible, not a Sicilian guide book this time but a real bible that would rather convey some of the Biblical plots in the way of the mafia families. From the luck bringing hand-washing habit of Mickey Cohen and the unfortunate Joe-the rat –Vallachi to the stories of David’s hit against Uriah and Ehud’s dagger plot on fat Eglon king of Moab, I could easily relate the stories. The work on which I had started few weeks before now with a friend named Dipo.
The next time I looked at the clock, 3am had chimed, so I decided I should get some help if I want to get to work at the right time as I had presentation to make at the morning meeting. And so I put it on my timeline on twitter for any friend to give me a call by 6:30am, which a friend Optix- the jester did. But I snoozed off after his call and when he tried again in about 40mins after, I woke up into rush-hour, and the epic began.
I dashed into the bathroom as if there was fire alarm; I had finished brushing the right part of my teeth before I suddenly noticed that the bristles were softer than usual. Urghh! My sister’s toothbrush!!! If only NEPA had had mercy, may be this would have been averted. All along I had been using a fairly lit torch from my phone to find my way.
As I reached out for my toothbrush out of frustration , I tried to turn off the faucet of running bath water at the same time. At this point, like some spooky effect, my phone slipped and fell right inside a bucket of water!!. I assuaged myself because the eruption of anger that would have followed would have had no match. I gently reached for the phone and headed for the microwave for a fast drying action. That meant I would finally have to put on the generator which was a no-no by this time. I pried the covers of the phone and kept the individual parts behind the refrigerator for heat-drying as I hoped for NEPA’s action and quick recovery of the phone. That was how I left the phone behind and by now, I was 20 minutes behind the meeting schedule.
Since my phone was lying lifeless so long as NEPA was lifeless behind the generator, my Boss could not reach me and so I wasn’t apprised of the changes in venue of the meeting with the Members of the board. After much effing and blinding in the traffic, I got to the meeting venue. I was the only one in there and even swirled around in the chair thanking God I was early.
On sitting for about thirty-five minutes with my shadow and no phone to reach or be reached, I set out to get back to the office. By now the meeting was over. While I wouldn’t love to go into the details of my Boss’ reaction I later stepped into the office, she at the end of it all told me to forward my presentation to her while I copied the rest members of the board in the mail in 3minutes. Again I dashed to my desk like the ‘Mask’ movie character.
I typed the mail using old templates, copied the officers in protocol as requested and then as I tried to attach the presentation folder, I accidentally picked the folder containing pictures of myself braiding my girlfriends hair and other weekend trips over the weekend!!!
Feeling happy that I was able to send the mail in about 5minutes, I relaxed and even asked for espresso as I leaned back in my chair with relief in my cubicle.
About an hour and fifteen minutes later, my name was flying in the air. Oblivious to what was going on, I felt my presentation had made another mark and while still thinking, my desk-phone rang and it was my boss. “Yes!”, I said, time for compliment on my wonderful ideas. I strutted into her office and even asked to use her chair. She peeped out of her half-moon spectacle and started…
“Tobi”, I answered “yes madam”, “You were served a query last week for sneaking-in and eating plantain chips from your pocket during a meeting with the Board, weren’t you?” I replied “affirmative ma”. Then she said, “Tobi, today you…”
If you are reading this piece and you really want to know what she said, just leave your e-mail while dropping your comment, will post it to you........
(and hey!,Please #lightupNigeria)