Here are the words I want on the cake as he typed out useless jargons from an Asian language I could barely understand. If those words had meant “Castrate the bearer of this gift”, then I would have been done for. Anyway, Babel fish gave it all out “Happy Birthday to a dear friend” in an Asian Language. My friend in some strange , of-no-economical-use-to-Nigeria country and he had ‘summoned’ me to make sure I placed an order for a cake and it gets delivered in 24hrs to this chic in Unilag.
It wasn’t my pejorative to think the logic or of what use such an act was , especially since the girl in question was expected to decipher the source as I was to keep mum on the identity. I was expected to be a friend and since no one asks ‘Vito Genovese’ questions, I drove down to Cakes ‘n’ cream ignoring all impeding traffic warnings. I was going to order a cake which I was given ' Jane' with no 'Doe' (first and no last name, wonder if he knew that himself) nor her phone number. At least there was a P.S on the note with her room address in University of Lagos. I could do with all that at the attendant’s desk; Cake with Asian inscription to a girl with no surname or phone contact.
The crazy thing was just about to happen. Right beside where I stood was another guy, good looking, should be in his mid-twenties, smooth and articulate scrolling his Blackberry touch and trying to read out an address. He had come to book a cake for his girl friend’s birthday (which was also the next day). He had mentioned the girl’s name (first and last) but since I had no idea what the surname was, nothing hit me yet: D Not till he gave out the address for the cake’s destination. All of a sudden as if a sudden bright light through the slits of an opened window just illuminated our sleepy heads, we both roused of some oblivion and faced each other with no words coming out. The attendant also found it ‘fantastic’ to at that moment ask “isn’t that the same place your cake is going (referring to me), such a lucky girl.” I quickly bloated out , “its just for a friend, I think they are cousins. I wasn’t ready for any form of “nigga moment” whatsoever, with that I paid, jumped in the car and stepped on the gas, no time for extended discussions.
Well, I enjoyed the day and just when I was about to crawl into Morpheus’s arms, my phone rang and it was a buddy of mine. He wanted to know if the store I had introduced to him back in college days where you could get good gifts in Surulere was still open at 9pm. Been a while so I asked after his girlfriend and at that he replied “oh great! That was the reason I actually called you. Forget about Stephanie, there’s this one I have been running after for a while now , her name is _ _ _ _ _ . “Her birthday is tomorrow self”. WHAT??? You too? I yelled . He asked what I meant by that. I replied, wait, is her surname so and so ?(this I learnt from the other guy at the cake factory ) and her room number so and so? Oh NOooo! Commm'nnnn! What’s going on here he asked to which I replied “errm, dint know you still want her, you told me about her a while back”. I wasn’t ready to let him know one of our mutual friends in an Asian country is also arranging a delivery by proxy.
That be the case, the store would still be open, rush down go get something good , I wasn’t about to discourage anyone that night. No Tobi, that’s not the only reason I called ‘jor’, he taunted. “Well, shoot, cos I’m hitting the stacks in two-shakes I replied”. Ok, I ve been trying to reach Dan Foster and Olisa all day but all lines to their radio stations are all busy, (by now all I was thinking was so? Whats my beeswax ?). So I thought Tobi has very deep voice, you could act a very good radio personality and make a false call from one of those radio stations and blow a fake birthday shout out to a chic out there. Being a trouble maker myself, I was perked up Don’t even castigate, a little fun is always good for everyone’s health. But wait, I interjected, what if her radio was switched on/off? during that shout-out, C’mon, he replied, its just for 10 – 15 seconds, you can make it look like its recorded to be played later. Trust me, I consent to it. So by 10am the next day, I should be a pseudo radio person for few seconds. To be added to my “crazy things we do for love… or friends” list.
Today is the day, the birthday-day, its 9:30 am, I would get back to this but now I need to confirm from the cake factory that they have delivered the cake…
